we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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