Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
