Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize