We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
