i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
