Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
