They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
