I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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