I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
