Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
