Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
