We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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