her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
