i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
