Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
