margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
