I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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