Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
