She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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