We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
