it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
