One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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