Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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