My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
please come you make the beer taste better
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
