I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
