It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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