if you like me you must not know who I am
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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