I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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