Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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