Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
