the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
