they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
