Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
