Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
