my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
