she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
