she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
