Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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