i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
