Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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