The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
