so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
