The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
