I seem to have left my pride at pride
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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