i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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