Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
