if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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