There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
