u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
