she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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