Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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