Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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